Food And I Are Having A Fight Right Now

So.  Food.  You've been really good to me over the years. Probably a little TOO good. Too much of you has stuck around my belly, admittedly. And that's my fault, too. I admit, I'm an enabler. But this weekend.... you broke my heart. 

When Husbando, the Girls and I went up to the city to have some fun, I thought, "Oh great. I'll get to see my friend Food, and we'll have an awesome luncheon".  And sure, at first, you seemed like you were happy to see me, too. Everybody at this little stall was super stoked to hang out with you. There was a crazy line, and I had to wait at least twentyfive minutes to get my turn with you. H and The Gs had already had their time with you (they loved your Cheese-steak outfit), and they were just waiting for me by the time you and I even said hello.

Now you know, Food, that I have a high tolerance for your weirder side. When you doll yourself up with spices, I'm usually down. I like to compliment your experiments. Your more exotic sides are always welcome with me, and usually M'Tummy is pretty much your most comfortable home. You never had a major problem fitting in until now.  OR SO I THOUGHT.

We went home Saturday afternoon after a nice visit with my sister. That night was uneventful, I thought maybe you'd invited your roommate Heartburn* to come see me. But come about Sunday midday... you turned on me. You betrayed me. It was so out of character for you. You left me, repeatedly. Through any door you could find. Off and on, most of the night, until you had nothing else to move out of M'Tummy. Then you got mad at anybody else who tried to clean up the place, like Crackers or Juice!

Look, Food, you and I have had a good run. But I need a break. I can't have another episode like this. We need some time apart. I can't look at you right now. I know you're apologizing, and I believe you are sorry, but I just can't right now. Since we've never really fought like THIS.... I guess, I'm willing to give you another chance. If something like this happens again, though.... I might have to say goodbye for good.

Oh, who am I kidding. Please come back to me, Food! I'll do whatever you need to do. I'll go to couples therapy with you. Don't ever leave me, Food! I love you. Just... try to be nicer to me in the future.  Please.

Betrayed By The Chicken Kabob,

Behka

*Seriously. Why do you even bring that guy around?  Everybody hates him. Everybody.